"I may not be where I intended to go, but I am exactly where I'm meant to be"

Upon finding this quote it just felt like the right title for this blog entry. I can't quite explain why but today is just one of my 'bad' aspie days. If someone were to ask me why I would not be able to explain. I just know that I can feel a difference and that I don't feel like being around people.  There have been days in my past where thinking about the vast difference between where I wanted to be and where I truly was caused a deep depression. Especially seeing so many people around me at those points in their lives. I now know that where I am in my life is where I am supposed to be at this time.  I suppose part of my bad day is wondering about when I will finally get my disability hearing and wishing I could just get approved already. My left eye is bugging me today which means one of the corneal blisters likely popped. I am looking forward to and yet nervous about the next big surgery I am going to have. Hopefully some point this year I will be able to go in and have my left eye removed. In the past I never thought this would be a decision that would be placed upon me. I also have had a lot of time to think about this decision and know that it is the right one for me. Since my left eye no longer has vision and hurts at varying levels every day there are far more reasons for the surgery. It will also help me to be able to look at myself in the mirror and not have my thoughts go right to the shunt in my left eye. My mother and friends have told me that they don't notice it but for me it's all I see in the mirror. I'm nervous because it is the biggest surgery that I will ever have. My loving boyfriend has told me that I'm not allowed to be nervous though as that is his job. It does help knowing that I have so many people who are here for. I know that their support will mean even more to me after the surgery since I'm going to need help adjusting to this big life change.  I guess it's just hard wrapping my head around having to make this huge decision at the age of 27. God has never given me more than I could handle in the past so I fully trust that this is part of his bigger plan for my life. Even though I don't feel like being around people today I just wanted to get some of the things bouncing around inside my head out. Writing out my thoughts is somewhat therapeutic to me and helps me sort some of them out. My bad day isn't because I'm sad persay, there are plenty of things in my life to make me smile. I have amazing parents, a great brother, a wonderful niece, the best friend anyone could ask for, and a boyfriend who loves me for me and makes me smile every day.  I love all of them beyond words and more then I can ever express I just hope that they understand how much their support and love mean to me each day.