Cause these words are knives and often leave scars...

I know it's late and your probably wondering does this chick never sleep?!? I swear I do sleep I just have trouble getting to sleep most nights so here is sit with headphones in blasting panic! at the disco and a billion thoughts rushing through my brain. This band always has the effect of making me think of my past and exes. Tonight they've got me thinking about my most recent ex J and wondering why it is I just can't seem to stop thinking about him.
I don't think I'll ever stop caring about him since he was my first love. But sometimes you have to let something go cause either the timing is off or its not what's meant to be. I'm still not sure which of those 2 it is yet but I've decided it's time to open my heart and be open to new relationships.  I'm nervous since I know that words can build you up but they can also turn on you and cut you deep.
Recently I admitted to one of my friends that I like him and he told me that he likes me back. We are still trying to figure out what this means to us since it's all still confusing and up in the air. I don't want to hurt him or to be hurt but I'm also not going to use that fear as an excuse to close myself off from the possibilities. For now with an open mind and heart I welcome the unknown and hope it doesn't blow up in my face.
Live. Love. Stay Asp-tastic!

Consultations and twiddling thumbs

So as I said before I had a consultation with an eye surgeon on the 6th of this month. I was planning on doing this post that week but I just kept forgetting.
The day of my appointment my dad drove me there and we got there early. I signed in and seeing as there was no one else in the waiting room figured I'd be called back soon.  We were in that waiting room at least an hour before I was called back. First they took a few pictures of my eyes for before pictures. Then we went in the first room and I answered questions for my patient file while one of the medical assistants entered it into their system.
After that she took us to a back hallway and had us sit and wait for an exam room to open. Once one did we got to go in there and twiddle our thumbs for another 30 minutes waiting to actually see the surgeon. When she finally got back to see us she was very friendly and apologetic for the long wait. Upon seeing how young I am she of course questioned whether I was sure I wanted to remove the eye and not just try a corneal transplant. I explained to her that it is both the pain and my not liking seeing the shunt in the mirror that make me sure this is the right choice for me.
She then told us about the 2 different kinds of implants: one is porous and moves like a regular eye but in the long run causes s lot of complications.  The second which us the one I'm going with is smooth and will have some movement but cause very few if any complications in the long run. She showed us a plastic example of an implant which had to be one of the coolest things I've ever seen. It had so much detail and made me even more excited to see my final product since it will be unique to my eye and no one else's will be the same.
We were able to schedule surgery for February 25th and now all I have left to do ahead of surgery is a pre op physical and some blood work which is at the beginning of February.  It's still hard to believe it's getting closer and right now I'm more excited then nervous but I'm sure I'll get more nervous as the day approaches. There probably won't be another post in this series till after the surgery and that will most likely not be up for at least a week after surgery but it really depends how I feel. I hope that you guys are enjoying reading about my experiences and it's not too boring.
Live. Love. Stay Asp-tastic!

Splendies January 2014

My January Splendies surprised me by being in my mailbox today. I have been subscribed to them since around August of last year but never felt like posting a blog about them. Mostly because it's panties and I felt kinda weird going 'hey guys come look at my new panties' lol.
They send you 3 pairs of panties every month for $12 although if you don't like thongs you can do what I do and pay an extra $2 to ensure you (almost) never get a thong. I say almost cause last month I did receive a thong but it was a mix up as they were replacing a pair I'd gotten in both my November and September orders. But their customer service is amazing and they make any mistake right, I'd had a mixup with my 2nd replacement pair being a small by accident but I never emailed them about it cause I felt weird to write again.
This month yay no thongs and all 3 pairs even seem to go with a color scheme of white, black and pinks which I love.
Pair 1- White with lace trim
Pair 2- pink lace with a black bow
Pair 3- White with hearts and leopard print with black lace on the edges and a black bow.
My favorite would have to be the ones with the hearts they would be great for a valentines date. I'm wondering if this is one of the pairs they will be sending for valentines day and I just lucked out and one slipped in my shipment early lol. I wouldn't complain if more valentine panties were to slip into my February shipment as I love fun patterns like these!
I'm also trying splendies sister company volupties this month and should hopefully get those next week so I'm excited to see what I get!
This is the first subscription box I've gotten this year and one of my resolutions is to post more box reviews and blogs in general this year so fingers crossed I stick with it.
Live. Love. Stay Asp-tastic!

Every journey begins with a single step..

As 2013 comes to a close tomorrow night and with it begins a brand new year most of us are taking this time to clean out the old and plan for the new. So I figure what better time to start my new blog series I've been tossing around my brain. It doesn't have to do with subscription boxes or makeup (well makeup will be part of the end of the series).
I've mentioned before that I am blind in my left eye due to glaucoma. Around October 2010 my life started to change in a huge way when my doctor informed me that my left eye was legally blind. She had me make some decisions at that time which I believe included surgery to remove scar tissue from the first shunt she had placed in that eye. That surgery did not help as much as we hoped so a more invasive surgery to insert another shunt in a different part of the eye was recommended. I still remember bursting into tears in the office and that at first I was against doing the surgery since we couldn't save the vision in that eye anyway. My parents were behind me no matter my choice but after more discussion with my specialist I said yes to the surgery. That shunt went in the beginning of January 2011 and thus started my aversion to ever wanting to look at my left in the mirror ever again.
My eyes vary greatly now (not so much in their pressures which are thankfully doing amazing!) but more so in appearance.  I'd always been told from a young age that my eyes are beautiful and cool looking which can probably still be said for my right eye. My left eye however is not a thing of beauty but more of grayish where it should be white. It's also been described by several specialist as bumpy and lumpy which aren't terms that I think make anyone beam with pride over said eyeball lol. The biggest reason I rarely look at it us because my second shunt is clearly visible on the front of my eyeball since it could not be hidden under my lower eyelid. Any time I do look at my left eye all I see is this is big white square in the corner staring back at me that no longer blends into my grayish eye.
This aversion to my left eye led my mother and I to discuss the possibility of having my eye removed. After much thought on the subject I'd decided this was the best choice for me but alas you need health insurance for that kind of crazy expensive surgery. Which led us down the disability rabbit hole since every other insurance company denied me on the basis of all my pre existing conditions. This process was long and tedious and took one day shy of 2 years to finally to get my approval this August! Excitement and hope blossomed anew for my mother and I not even minding having to wait til January to start the surgery process. Well I mean there is one more little hurdle that was put in my way back in 2012 when my eye started to have days that it was extremely painful.  We found out from a cornea specialist that September that I have corneal blisters which are causing all this pain when my body is trying to heal itself after one pops. I still remember getting in the car when my regular eye Dr had stated that's what she thought they were and upon telling my mom the name her saying 'just the name of that sounds painful.'
I tried what are called contact bandages and at first those helped til it accidentally got poured down the drain in our hotel bathroom in Mexico lol. I'd gotten a replacement when we got home but they just kept falling out so now I use an eye ointment to help my eye heal when the pain starts and relieve my discomfort. But now after over a year of dealing with this pain the new year brings with it new hope as my insurance kicks in!  I have a consultation with a surgeon next week so I will be posting about that experience as the next entry in what shall tentatively be called the Eye for an eye series since I will be replacing my blind painful eye with a new glass and pain free eye! This has been 3 years coming and I have to say though I am excited for the future the surgery is getting me nervous...
Live. Love. Stay Asp-tastic!

What I'm loving Wednesday

So this week I decided to link up with Ramblings of a Suburban Mom for what I'm loving Wednesday since its one of my favorite posts she does every week.

What I'm loving:

Diamond candles cupcake scent- I just got this in the mail today along with a surprise candle I bought for my mom. I started burning this one as soon as I got it out of the box since it smells so amazing and I can't wait to get to the hidden ring inside!

Catfish the TV show- OMG this weeks episode was insane. Right when I'd heard on the commercials that this girl thought she was dating the rapper bow wow I was like there's NO way it's now wow. Then as I was watching it just got crazier by the minute. What do you guys think if you watched it? I think this was one of the craziest episodes right after the one where that insane dude was trying to catch cheaters and make them change still surprised he had a gf lol

Pumpkin pie spice creamer- so my favorite thing to get at Starbucks is the PSL with extra pumpkin spice but I rarely get to Starbucks to get one so this is an amazing alternative. I also found out recently that Starbucks has the ingredients to make PSL all year round you just have to ask so I may try and see if I can get one outside of the regular PSL season lol

VC Andrews Roxys story- I got this in the mail last week from amazon (it was just released the last week of October) I loved the first book in this series and found the mini ebook that goes with these two a little underwhelming I was expecting more from it. But thankfully do far this book is really good and I find it hard to put down.

Mystery boxes and swaps- So this week julep announced their new mystery zig zag boxes and I couldn't help myself. I'd wanted to get one of the galaxy mystery boxes but I didn't cause the add on I wanted wouldn't go in my cart lol I know what your thinking 'why is she complaining they wouldn't take more of her money?!?' I also recently found a wonderful julep swap group on Facebook and have a mystery polish box from one of the girls in that group on the way to me. As well as signing up to take part in winter/ holiday mystery box swap. I'm already thinking of what to do for my box. I think I'm even going to do a cool design on the box!

Live.  Love. Stay Asp-tastic!

Glossybox August bohemian summer

This review is a little late because I didn't get my box til a week into September. After I got the box I then had to wait for them to send me a replacement item for the busted eyeshadow I received. So this review will include the items in my original box as well as my replacement items that I finally got in the mail today.

Guess denim pouch: this bag is very cute and I hadn't realized guess was still around and still making denim products too bad the coupon code they sent expired the day I received the box.

Anatomicals spray misty for me facial spritz: I was skeptical when I saw this in other reviews but I ended up actually liking this product and I tend to keep it in my purse now.

Novex Brazilian keratin hair care treatment  cream: I will probably ended up trading this for something else cause I don't really have any use for this.

Jelly pong pong lip blush: haven't opened this since I'd gotten a pop beauty lip crayon in ipsy recently and I have plenty of lip products that I am trying to use so it will be awhile before I can get to this. I should really use one of my glossyboxes to gather up all my lip products in one place since I always seem to misplace them and find them at random times.

ModelCo eyeshadow duo in bronzed goddess: this is the product that arrived busted and was the item I was most looking forward to trying. They had run out of this product when I contacted them so they sent me two products to replace it. But I was lucky enough to find an extremely nice person in one of the swap groups I'm in who is sending me her duplicate of this eyeshadow and her duplicate sue Dewitt pressed powder.

Sue Dewitt triple c-weed pressed powder: I ended up giving the one that came in my box to my best friend S who says I'm spoiling her since I give her some of the makeup and products I get in these boxes.

Replacement products:

Sparitual nail polish (adore): I really like this pink color but I don't do well painting my nails with pinks this shade since its so light and hard for me to tell being half blind how well I've covered my nails so I will ask my mom to help me paint my nails with this color or I might take it with me next time I go get my nails painted at a nail salon but that's a very rare thing in the past few years.

Feel like honey moon skin base: this is a moisturizer and makeup base and I am looking forward to trying it. I don't remember seeing this in any past boxes so I'm wondering if this is possibly one of the September products that they decided to send me early.  I could be wrong and it may have been in one of the limited edition boxes.

This box had some hits and misses so hopefully they do better with this months box.

Taste guru September box

Today I got a huge surprise when the first of my two free taste guru boxes was dropped off on my porch! Their customer service said I wasn't going to receive this months box so I was happy to see it.

Being on the autism spectrum I've heard numerous times how a gluten free diet can help with so when I saw the deal for 2 free months just pay shipping I figured it was worth a shot since I've been considering gluten free for a while. 

They had me excited by the first look and I couldn't wait to dig in to see all the full sized goodies so let's get into it!

~Toufayan bakeries gluten free wraps: I'm excited to try these cause I love wraps and tortillas. They also included a recipe in the box for grilled veggie and hummus wraps that look very tasty.

~Rocky mountain company popcorn company butter popcorn: I love to have popcorn while watching a movie although I don't tend to buy popcorn at the movie theater since I found a mouse running around in the kernels once when I worked at a movie theater, so I'd rather not risk a mousy surprise in my movie treat.

~Glutino gluten free strawberry breakfast bars: I am interested to try these and see what they taste like.

~ Sea Fare Pacific smoked salmon chowder: I've never had salmon chowder before so this should be interesting.

~ Cooksimple tamale pie: I think I'm going to make this one night next week and not tell my dad that its gluten free and see what he thinks of it.

~Viviana gluten free and vegan sweet potato fettuccine: omg they've combined 2 of my favorite things sweet potatoes and pasta! I will probably make this next week although I'm wondering what kind of sauce would be best with this since I'm not too sure that red sauce will go too well with it, any ideas?

I think I love this box company so many great full size products that I can't wait to try and I am looking forward to seeing what they send next month!