"Heart beats fast colors and promises how to be brave how can I love when I"m afraid to fall?" - Christina Perri "A Thousand Years"

Sorry I haven't posted a new blog in a while I've just had a lot on my mind and wasn't quite sure what I wanted to write. Writing down ones innermost thoughts can be harder than you would imagine. Not knowing what to write about and a lot of the time finding it hard to put into words the things you really want or need to say.
There have been many times in my life that I have had trouble coming up with what I want to say, much like everyone else at one point or another. I tend to worry about whether I will say too much or not enough.
The past few months I have been spending a lot of time thinking about the concept of love. In my past there have been times I have thought I loved people when I did not have the clarity to see how rong everything was.
This kept me from seeing that what I thought was my first serious boyfriend whom I thought I loved was not what it seemed. I found out we had started on a lie that he liked me because he thought that this would get him an easy pass into my pants which he never got. There was 'George' who I really cared about and I do apologize if there were times I seemed uncaring. I just cared about him so much that I had a very hard time expressing what I felt and wanted to say around him. We both had our part in messing up our relationship and he has since found a wonderful woman to spend his life with. 
I guess I just wish I knew how or where to even start to try to meet someone to love me for me since driving makes me way to nervous now with my eyesight. I have days where I get sad thinking how it feels even harder to find someone now. A guys not just gonna show up on my doorstep someday and ask me out, I mean come on that kind of crazy thing only happens in the movie or on tv.
I know a lot of you are probably thinking "you find love when you stop looking for it." well now that would require the doorstep man I mentioned above and we all know that's not happening. I should stop this post now because the topic is starting to make me sad again. Who knows what the future holds? Only God does and I know that there has to be some wonderful guy out there that he made just for me. Is it so wrong that I just wish I could get some flowers and someone to tell me they think I am beautiful inside and out?? Instead the only guy who seems to contact me, GP, wants only what my body has to offer and not my heart or mind. It took a while to realize this but now I see that he is not that sort of person I need in my life as he only holds me back from moving on.